Jess has worked with the eating disorders service for 9 years and brings a unique perspective to the team which she shares in a considered and compassionate way with our patients and staff. This has had a profound impact in that patients get to see what recovery can be and staff can see what the outcome of recovery can be for those in their care. Jess has also contributed to the development of outreach and early intervention work with schools contributing drive and passion to the work. Jess is and has been a major influence on the development of services for those suffering with an eating disorder in Dorset.

Dr Ciaran Newell, NHS Eating Disorders Nurse Consultant
Dorset HealthCare NHS University NHS Foundation Trust

When I first met Jess I had very little hope. I did not know how to trust anybody. I was frightened to talk, frightened of being judged. Talking to someone about your eating disorder is so daunting but knowing that Jess had been through her own recovery made it easier to start. I was finally able to be honest about my struggles and know that the response I received would be understanding and supportive. I had lost all belief in myself through my illness but the empathy and care I received from Jess started to rekindle my sense of self. I was treated as an individual, not an illness and this was so important. It helped me remember that my eating disorder was not who I really was, underneath I was still somebody with hopes and dreams. I was able to focus on what recovery meant for me. Most importantly, Jess gave me hope. I am still on my journey to recovery but those steps Jess took with me as I set out are irreplaceable.

Hannah

I first met Jess when I was an inpatient in Kimmeridge Court many years ago. I can clearly remember being introduced to Jess as ‘the recovered voice’. Up until that point I had not had many opportunities to hear from recovered individuals and to be honest, I was in awe of anyone that had won their war against an eating disorder. Jess gave me support, inspiration and most of all hope that someday that could be me. Since that day I feel a light has been turn on inside me that I know I will never lose, because there will always be that hope ignited in me. I have had many years of inpatient treatment, in and out of specialist units for twenty years. I have travelled in and out of states of ambivalence to change and resistance to feeling motivated and my battle continues. In inpatient settings one can become very institutionalised and easily lose touch with reality, often suffocated by not only your only eating disorder but all the other inpatients too. This, for me has been my downfall so having connections with recovered people like Jess has at times been a saving grace for me, a breathing space out of the inpatient bubble, where one is controlled and often stereotyped.

Jess has always taken me as I am, always willing to come and meet me at my level. At times Jess has challenged me but always in a way that is so passionate and from the heart of someone who can see the journey I need to take and feel the pain I need to feel. I will always hold the words of Jess in my head that ‘I need to feel the fear and do it anyway’.If I had half the strength and courage Jess has and shares now, today with so many I would be content. Having fought through her own battles and trodden the rocky path of recovery Jess offers support from a place of understanding and her passion to help others and to reach out to people is overwhelming when you meet her. I wish Jess every success in her new venture now as she takes a new journey of her own, meeting the needs of individuals that are lucky enough to find her. I have been and I am so grateful. Thank you Jess.

I was attending church in Bournemouth, and it was there that I saw a notice about i*eat one Sunday. The idea of maybe being able to escape the craziness in my own head kept niggling at me, and so eventually I logged on to the website, and found out that there were drop-in sessions you could go to. I was SO scared, but I remember thinking “I’d rather die than keep living like this. Either I escape, or die trying to, so it’s worth a shot”.

I went to the drop-in, thinking I shouldn’t be there, that I didn’t deserve it, that there were so many more people that needed this help more than I did, and that I was taking up so much time unnecessarily…. But as soon as I walked in I was met with amazing warmth and gentleness. After such a long time of feeling worthless, being made to feel that someone genuinely cared about me and wanted to help me was almost unbelievable. I was able to meet with a counsellor that same night, and start what turned out to be a lot of talking. This was in November, and from then until January I came back pretty much weekly to start to try and unravel some of the reasons behind my illness and the lies that were consuming my mind.

It wasn’t easy. I felt extremely guilty, as though I were betraying the only thing that had given me a purpose in life. Rather than feeling better, I was feeling worse, and at New Year contacted i*eat to say that it just wasn’t working out for me, thanks for everything, but I wouldn’t be coming back. I received a reply asking me to stick with it a little bit longer – apparently the counsellor I was seeing was actually only filling in for another person, a lady who’d been on maternity leave, but who would be back soon. I should wait a few weeks, after that I could give it all up if I wanted to, but just once I should meet this lady, a mysterious Jess. Once again the “well it can’t really get much worse than this” concept popped into my mind, so I agreed to wait and meet this Jess, but at the same time started collecting pills. If it didn’t work out then I didn’t want to fight anymore and was going to overdose again.

Arriving to meet Jess I was once again filled with all my insecurities. Ok, yeah, everyone else at i*eat had been lovely, but she’d see straight through me and tell me to stop taking up everyone’s time. ….I couldn’t have been more wrong! Knowing that she had recovered from an eating disorder, that she’d battled and escaped, and come out the other side as such a caring, compassionate, person made me feel so comfortable that I found myself explaining things to her that I didn’t know I had the words for! I felt so desperate that I’d carried my pill-stash with me – I’d decided that if this meeting didn’t go well that was it, I had no reason to carry on. On finding this out, Jess wasn’t shocked, or judgemental or angry. But she did sit with me whilst I flushed every pill down the toilet. And it was this insane dedication to a complete stranger that made all the difference.

I don’t know what to say about the months of work that followed. There were so many times that I didn’t believe I could do it, that I just felt too weak and couldn’t envision a ‘normal’ life, but then also felt cut off from the protection and safety of the numbness that anorexia had provided. I really feel mine and Jess’ personalities were just right for each other, she knew exactly when to push me, and what to say at exactly the right time. She’s the most mean, yet kind person, that I’m terrified of, but love to pieces all at the same time! With each tiny breakthrough it felt like I was taking 1 step forwards and 5 back, but I stuck with it because I just felt so looked after. Getting better was an intense task – there were counselling sessions, nutritionist meetings, meal support – but the entire time I felt so supported and cared for, like there was a reason to keep going and I deserved to get my life back. Having people behind me believing in me made all the difference!

I feel so free, like I can do absolutely anything I want to now. I just hope that I can use my experience to one day help others too – I want to give back, because I know I’d never ever have been able to make it here without everyone’s help and endless support!

Anna

Jess is a passionate advocate for those affected by eating disorders and low self esteem. She has provided effective help and support for those affected and developed programmes to assist in prevention and identification.

Micki Bennett, Service Manager – DHUFT NHS Eating Disorder Service

I’ve had anorexia for 8 years and have been meeting with Jess for the past 5 years. Seeing Jess throughout this time has been a huge help and she has encouraged and helped me to take steps forward in my recovery At times having an eating disorder can be one of the loneliest and isolating things-when I felt like no one cared or understood Jess helped me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Talking to Jess about the struggles I’m going through and my fears and concerns about recovery is extremely helpful as she can relate to it and understand in ways that someone who hasn’t had an eating disorder can’t. The fact that Jess herself has recovered from an eating disorder has been an inspiration to me, hearing her experiences has helped me to realise that I’m not alone and seeing her life now gives me hope that recovery is possible. Over the past 5 years Jess has become a good friend and I wouldn’t have made the progress that I’ve made in my recovery without her help and support.

Bryony, 2015

I have always taken pride in being an independent person, so when I began feeling down and ‘out of sort’ the last thing I thought I needed was help from someone I did not know, so I pushed and pushed myself until breaking point before I realised that I needed someone to talk to. I thought asking for help showed that you were weak and therefore dependable on someone – which bruised my pride! Although, when my academic advisor at university suggested I speak to someone – I thought I would take up the opportunity.

When visiting Jess I was so nervous and if I’m honest I didn’t think it would help me. But as soon as I entered the room and began speaking to her, she calmed me down just by listening to me rant. I never thought it would be so easy to feel so relaxed and willing to tell my life story around someone I had never met before.

Since my meetings with Jess, I have increased my self-efficacy and self-esteem. I have been able to control my anxiety much more than I had previously and have recommended Jess to friends who are also struggling to balance the stresses of everyday life. Jess has enabled me to understand and pin point where issues may arise from by encouraging wider thinking outside the sessions – things which I would have never linked together. I am so thankful for how Jess has enabled me to see the brighter side during my dark bouts of anxiety. I would highly recommend her to anyone; she’s not only a great listener but such a lovely person as well!

Ashleigh, 22